I am not sure when it happened, probably during one of the times that we moved. Someone switched my wife with a doppleganger.

I have to admit, the overall programming is pretty good. For the most part they figured out Sarah with her quirks and strengths and weaknesses. But they were not careful enough and the programmers must have slipped in some of their own biases which have all popped up recently.

This is how I know. My wife is missing, replaced by an almost perfect replica.

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Peggy and the dog.

Clue #1: Chessie

Peggy has always been upset about two things. 1) For some reason, her bedroom is always adjacent to the bathroom, so she has always lived with the rushing sounds of early morning showers and the gurgling crescendo of toilet flushing. (Which for some reason seems to be happening more and more in the middle of the night.) And 2, Peggy is jealous because she doesn’t have a room-mate. Her beef is that her brothers have always had each other (Not technically true, but from her “later” perspective it seems that way.) So, she wanted to have a critter; something small that eats vegetables and requires cuddling and attention. After the brief “Mission Hamster” tragedies, Peggy started wanting something else.

So, it was just another average ______day when Sarah and I were out buying running shoes that we decided to stop by the local Pet-o-Rama Superstore to see what the damage would be for a new pair of cuddly little hamsters/mice/guinea pigs/rodent/whatever. After a quick breeze through the furry critter section, Sarah disappeared (this could have been when the switch was made.) I perambulated through the tropical fish towards the front of the store and found “Sarah” sitting with the folks who had brought the rescue dogs to the store that day. She had taken a special liking to a very old, little grey mutt, and the mutt was peacefully enjoying “Sarah’s” lap.

On the way home was when the programming slipped. The doppelganger quipped that she had always wanted a dog. My eyes narrowed and I tried to focus on the road. Twenty six years of marriage and my real wife had never mentioned interest in a pet of any kind. Needless to say, a few days later we had our first dog, a real cutie called Tootsie, who looked just like Toto from the wizard of Oz. Tragically, she was a very old dog who died a few months later. Soon the doppelganger went out to “just look” at some of the other rescue dogs, and came back with Chessie.

I think that the dog is supposed to be a distraction so that I can’t tell that my wife has been replaced, but there are just too many faults in the programming.

Clue #2: Marathons? What!

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“Sarah” surrounded by the A_____________ front. I know, they don’t look mysterious.

Our Doctor must be in on the switch. Our Doctor, Dr. R_______ has a practice called A______. (Names redacted so that online searches don’t give away the fact that I am catching on to their game.) The medical practice also runs a front they call Team A______ – the same name as the medical practice. Right around the time that the error in programming had spilled out into wanting a dog, my dear wife of many years suddenly wanted to run in a marathon!

Now really, seriously. Sarah likes singing, and playing games, and, at one time, she really loved to ride her bike. But, again, in 26 years of marriage, there was no mention of running shoes, or special “high protein shakes,” or needing a gps-locator watch to go out on a “run.” But suddenly, she disappears every Saturday morning to meet up with Team A________, or the A-Team as I now call them. They are a scary bunch, never meeting in the same place twice, taking different routes through the city; it’s like they are trying to throw off anyone who is following. She even ran in the Harrisburg marathon in 2013. But they must have been nervous that was too much, because they reprogrammed the machine to¬†not run the next year. All part of the plan of obfuscation. I think that they have been meeting each week to try to fix the programming.

But the clearest evidence was what happened next.

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They did a really good job with the feet. But clearly there is some reason for hide whatever is going on under those nails.

Clue #3: Painting toenails – are you kidding me?

I think that the doppelganger must have some flaws in the synthetic material of her feet, because she always seems to be covering up the circuitry under her toenails. Sarah, my wife, has never used nail polish, ever, but now the doppelganger keeps telling me that it’s “cute” and “girly” and “makes her feel young and happy!” Have you ever heard such hogwash. I notice that she never does her toenails where I am. She says that it is so I am not exposed to the bad smell. Ha!

An another thing just struck me!!! It was just about the time that the dogs started showing up that “Sarah” started wearing black clothes! No big deal, you might say, but she was rasied on “Color me mine” and I know that My Wife looks best in earth tones. I know! She has told me a hundred times! But that kind of subjective subtlety is beyond the programming of a machine, no matter how sophisticated. Wearing all black is for the cold dark machines, not real humans of flesh and blood!

I am not sure what nefarious government conspiracy I have uncovered here, but I guess I will bide my time and keep the doppelganger since it makes awesome pancakes just like my missing wife.

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